Philophobia the Formal Formal Fear of Love: How to Begin Healing From Rejection!
There are times in our lives where we fall in love or form relationships with the wrong person or people. It then becomes a pattern throughout your life you cannot break, and you begin to form negative self-talk and doubt about yourself and others. We tell ourselves we are not worthy of love; we are not lovable and or we are not meant to be in a friendship or relationship. Fear of love, rejection, and abandonment can occur with friends, family or love relationships because of the people in your past most likely have betrayed you or a true love who decides that you are not the one resulting in trauma related to abandonment and/or rejection. Both can leave you paralyzed with fear of finding friendship or love again. Sometimes, people who have been marked or betrayed so badly in one or both areas end up in a cycle of unhealthy relationships with everyone who enters their life. You begin wanting to know what is wrong with you or how can you get better. You want to put a name to the feelings and diagnosis what really is going on with your heart and mind.
Fear of loss, abandonment, mistrust and suspicion begin circling every aspect of your life. You meet someone new, and you begin to be interested in him or her as a close friend or a lover, and you begin odd unhealthy behaviors and self-talk that begin pushing these people away. Many people call this the “broken heart syndrome.” The real terminology for it is referred to as Philophobia. Philophobia is “a fear of falling in love. It can also be a fear of getting into a relationship or fear that you will not be able to maintain a relationship. Many people experience a minor fear of falling in love at some point in their lives. But in extreme cases, philophobia can make people feel isolated and unloved.”
Many people find relationships they know are not healthy and are forbidden either by seeking friends that they know will betray them or finding a love who is married and not available. Common sense would immediately tell you that the person who you want to be your friend will betray you and the person who is married, most likely, will not leave their spouse or family. Many of us define this as “seeking self-destructive patterns” to avoid “commitment” or close relationships with anyone.
When we commit to either a friendship or love relationship, we risk or fear losing ourselves. People who suffer from Philophobia unconsciously seek relationships that have no chance to grow or form a basis for a lasting relationship. Many people who suffer from Philophobia sabotage healthy relationships to avoid rejection, abandonment and at all the negative aspects that rise, ignoring the beautiful moments and concentrating only on negativity and hopelessness, even when there may be little to find. The feeling is much like a hamster on a wheel. The turning of the wheel never changes, and the hamster never really makes progress because the hamster seeks only one outcome, “turning the wheel.”
Most people who fear relationships form a pattern of negative self-talk, low self-worth and begin sabotaging any relationship, that may grow into love, from the start. People who suffer from Philophobia begin belittling themselves or others, talking about negative topics, seeking wrong in the other person or themselves, finding reasons why the relationship will not work and primarily destroying any chance of a healthy relationship with anyone through their life.
The primary way to begin healing from “fear of love” is to talk to a mental health consultant, professional, coach, or clergy person to discuss patterns and possible trauma in the past that could have contributed to the, what I call, “cycle of destruction.” Working with the professional on ways to counteract and heal the pattern of fears and negativity must be addressed from its core. Many people think that this can be done by just admitting that you have a problem, but in fact, many times, the saying “two brains are better than one” fits dynamically into the need to consult a professional. As people, most of us are good at helping others, but score low in the ability to help ourselves.
As people, we are not good at looking at negative aspects of ourselves. We tend to label ourselves as abnormal, monsters, sick, or even inferior. In fact, it is the opposite that occurs when you begin to look at yourself and the areas in which you need to improve on. I label negative aspects as growth areas. Just like muscles, if we work them out, they will get bigger and stronger and no longer will be weak and incapable of lifting. Any problem can be solved if you accept guidance from others. One of my favorite self-discoveries is, if we were meant to survive on our own, the word we would not have been invented, we would have been born in a world alone, and a women would not have had to carry us in her womb until we were strong enough to exit. Make sense? From the time of conception, we have had to seek help from another to make it in this world. The same goes for the negative things about us. If we work on a regiment of changing our thinking patterns and practice healthier coping strategies, the areas of our personality that cause Philophobia will be weakened and the negative qualities we first found will now be flexing their muscles, defeating the fear. However, you must acknowledge these areas, own them, be thankful for the opportunity to heal them, and begin changing your perspective. The first step is talking to a professional to begin your journey into a healthier life with others and creating the life you love within relationships that include peer, work, love and friend relationships. It is as easy as clicking here and talking to Dr. Welling about how you can build muscle to defeat the fear of love in your life. A simple Free 30 minute conversation can begin your healing process.